I have often wondered about the disgusting and boring necessities of introducing yourself to the outside world when you can just as easily post a snapshot of your Facebook profile. This is the world you’re living in: the CIA knows about your most recent hook-up on a “social networking” site and you define your identity by the number of your MySpace friends.

Stay calm, there will be nothing of that here.

I go by the single letter K, first because it’s easier to spell, then because it conveys my entire identity in one sign, and I think that’s pretty cool. I like to believe it gives me street cred’. I think too much, drink too much, sleep too much, like to travel from place to place with the illusion of a goal, and am pretty much in love with the hills and cliffs of Northern Ireland. I believe in the following: God is dead, the pen is mightier than a sword, and Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house. I laugh with scorn and despise at the following: intelligent design (the name is really deceiving), nationalism, and the fact that Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house.

I am scared of spiders, Texas, and the wrath of my cohort.

My cohort is so driven, motivated and opinionated, I feel bad for all of those around her who can’t compare. She is smart, funny, detail-oriented, unashamed and unforgiving. I like to picture her with a giant red cape floating all over the East Coast throwing cartoon copies of the US Constitution onto corrupted and drunk members of Congress. I’ll have some freedom fries with that please.

This introduction was just meant to tell you that we insist on the “autonomous” part a great deal, that we care about our rights and other people’s, that we don’t take bullshit for an answer and that we like free meals. This should be all you need to know before we dive further into what we love to ramble on: how fucked up this world actually is, god dammit, I wish I had fucking known about all this retarded crap before I was brutally ejected from my mother’s uterus.