I got into a hilarious discussion at the bank yesterday with a fellow patron who agreed that we both wanted to pull shit this awesome, refuse to quit, demand the state pay for our expenses, and generally be the most entertaining fuckwit alive. I am saddened in my heart to know that I will never, no matter what bullshit I ever pull, be as fucked out as this guy. Part of my vicious attention whore soul has died.

Click here to see the portraits of Laura and George Bush. I am hoping they are like Harry Potter portraits that talk to you, and dispense advice. I bet Laura Bush knows how to get blood stains out of anything!

Everyone should read this because it’s hilarious and informative! and that way you can copy and paste your future list of people to punch in the face when you end up homeless. Make sure you print the list out though, because most of you didn’t have the forethought to get a solar powered charger for your laptops.

Last, my complete favorite: Where your bail out money went America K mentioned being pissed she wasn’t on that list, so I think everyone should go ahead and send her a dollar until she feels better.