I looked back at all the GOP-centered posts written on this blog and noticed an awful lot of Sarah Palin out there. In case we are ever accused of harassing that poor woman, I decided to focus my attention on Mitt Romney today. That’s apparently what he had been looking for, so it’s a win-win situation.

confusing national governance with Battlestar Galactica.

Mitt Romney: confusing national governance with Battlestar Galactica.

Usually, when Mitt Romney communicates to the world outside the Republican National Convention, he only passes as a second-grade politician forever bitter to have lost out to John McCain. Now he’s also posing as a “potential candidate for 2012” (sic) as quoted in this article, and speaks on behalf of all the mis/under/unrepresented foetuses in the House. Prepare for a Romney Meltdown ’09: “[Obama’s Administration] will say nothing on behalf of the child waiting to be born, we must take the side of life.” That’s what happens when you leave a former governor without any electorate whatsoever. They’re so desperate they resort to representing the unborn. Soon Mike Huckabee will be the first politician to represent the undead. Where do I sign up to be a Young Republican? They’re so accepting and inclusive all of a sudden.

To be honest, if I was the first blogging embryo, I wouldn’t risk my money on Mitt Romney. A self-proclaimed “moderate”, Romney fought in his former state of Massachussetts in favour of abortion rights, before changing his mind right before the presidential primaries. What about the side of life, Romney? What about one side and sticking to it once and for all? It’s making my head spin – but not as much as the dizzying, mind-boggling, extremely confusing comment he made regarding the closing of Guantanamo Bay. See, Mitt Romney is not too keen on reading bills, at least not in their entirety, and has a tendancy to fill in the blanks with his own conclusions, even the logic-defying ones. He recently concluded that closing down the detention facility would mean “send [ the prisoners ]  to nations that will release them to kill Americans, or […] send them to U.S. prisons to infect our own criminal population”. Be on the side of life, Mitt! Do not send anyone out to country that would turn them into Ebola-infected robot machines designed to kill! Or… something.

This is exactly the moment when I wish Katie Couric would walk in and ask Mitt Romney which newspapers does he read on a daily basis. I’d be most pleased with an answer mentioning The Enquirer or News of the World. Maybe throwing some Philip K. Dick audiobooks in it would help. Basing his 2012 primaries campaign on a Blade Runner remake is guaranteed to pin Republican voters to their seats.