The world is angry, friends and brethrens; and it’s amidst this palpable and boiling fit of wrath surrounding the western world in those dire times of recession that the filth – also known as “right wing blogosphere” among the technocrats – is revealing the worst of its nature. Among those Dick Cheney fans has elevated a man, called Selwyn Duke (I wish I had made that up, but alas I didn’t); and this man is definitely competing against Michael Savage and Rush Limbaugh for Biggest Douchebag of 2009. Granted, I would have loved to come up with a more imaginative title, but as succinct as this one might be, it manages to convey all the spite and scorn the rest of the aforementioned blogosphere feels for this man who has obviously been raised at the Court of Henry the Eighth, and failed to pay attention to the time passing by. Semi-autonomous Collective, which name should be enough to rise Mister Duke from his slumbers, has decided to exercize its right of response, standard protocol in press, in order to help Sir Selwyn achieve the level of modernity we are all expecting of His Grace before he dares exposing our informed minds to his non sense ever again.

Selwyn Duke, pretending to think. So, he hates women and hates the gays - what does he do for fun?

Selwyn Duke, pretending to think. So, he hates women and hates the gays - what does he do for fun?

Without further ado, I am bringing you a wonderful quote of his, excerpt from his 2004 “essay” (*) on women, a kind he has obviously hardly been acquainted with:

It occurred to me a while back, as I thought about my chauvinistic teasing of a woman who is very close to my heart, that I had stumbled into genius. For if you’re looking for a litmus test for a prospective wife there’s none better then that of the tweaking of the modern female ego. All you need do is utter words such as “You do that very well . . . for a girl” with a twinkle in your eye and a boyish smirk on your face, and observe what ensues. Her reaction will tell you more about her than any computer dating service or impromtu little encounter session ever could. For as sure as night follows day, the degree to which her reaction is negative will be directly proportional to the degree to which she’s been inculcated with feminism.

Mind you, those words are to be taken to the first degree, as ignorant and insulting they might be, which I am sure Selwyn Duke was perfectly in agreement with. Unsatisfied with the inflated sense of supremacy his endless perception of self-entitlement is giving him, Selwyn Duke also upholds the very distinction of believing his own non-sense. The same way Rael probably couldn’t care less about a landing of aliens in Central France, or L. Ron Hubbard probably relying on a psychiatrist himself, ideological leaders are safe and intelligent enough never to touch their own propaganda with a ten foot pole. Sadly, Selwyn Duke is diving head first into it, letting our minds wander and fantasize about said head diving into a giant pan of boiling oil.

According to the same idiotic pamphlet, Duke comes up with his personal sense of feminism, another one he probably didn’t achieve on the benches of a college course:  “It works like a charm because while feminism has sought to help women achieve parity with men in all areas of life, there is one area where women have not only equaled men but have actually outstripped them hands down: ego.” I find myself dipping my hand in a bucket of self-loathing as I realise I agree with him: women, indeed, seem to have enough pride in themselves never to muster enough arrogance and stupidity to inflict a flawed logic on the eyes of a random reader. Selwyn Duke, however, has been “outstripped” of his “ego” and is perfectly happy with the lack of reflection in his mirror. See the definition of transorbital lobotomy to learn a bit more about the affliction that has plagued Selwyn Duke’s mental development. (Sensitive minds should abstain from any pictorials).

Selwyn Duke could be qualified as one of those run-of-the-mill idiotic mysogynists if he hadn’t managed to recruit a few random followers into his helpless cause. Thanks to urbaniak at ontd_political, who took one for the team in analyzing Duke’s works in deeper layers, we find out that Duke is a simple New York born-and-bred tennis teacher who has unfortunately been gifted with a dictionary in his early years (in his defense, this is more than most GOP-wannabees could ever claim), and chose to dedicate his pathetic and pointless life to edicting another thoughtless praise of ignorance in 2007 with “The offensiveness of being offended“. This could easily become the paragon of sarcasm in this world if only Duke had the IQ to back this up; unfortunately for him and for all of us having to suffer the direct results of a butchered psychosurgery. Following Duke’s dubious reasoning, being offended is akin to being hysterical – in the Freudian sense of the term, how appropriate – and is thus qualified as childishness. Because in Duke’s world, constantly picking on the same group of people for non-factual, non-sensical, non-scientific reasons in the sole attempt to provoke ire is perfectly acceptable in adulthood. It’s not playground bullying at all. In his world, Duke always gets the Golden Ticket, and can always reach for the cookie jar.

Because my attempt is to make sure all undereducated idiots hold their respective hands and leave ours alone, I did a little diggin’ on Selwyn Duke’s background and couldn’t find more than this description: “Selwyn Duke is a columnist, public speaker and Internet entrepreneur whose work has been published widely online and also in print, on both the local and national levels. He has been featured on the Rush Limbaugh Show, has a regular column in Christian Music Perspective Magazine and does commentary on the award-winning Michael Savage Show.” Translation: Selwyn Duke is an internet blogger, owns his own Facebook profile and likes to speak in BSG Conventions.  He has been featured on other likeminded lobotomized radio show hosts, is a bigot and offers his own opinion on subjects he obviously does not master.” Jesus Christ on a cracker, Selwyn Duke is just like the rest of us! How happy would I be to welcome him back in the bosom of worthwhile Internet-based opinion writing… only problem is, I’m a woman (and that’s the least of my flaws).

I am of the belief that one rejects what one is scared of – for instance, there is no denying that after seeing “Jesus Camp”, I was extremely frightened by the evangelical christian lobby. I have perfectly rational reasons to be scared (just watching the trailer might give you more chills than Jason Vorhees himself). It wouldn’t be positively scary if there wasn’t any power to that specific group of people we’re rejecting. If minorities were, indeed, just minorities, a democratic system would allow us to push them away from representation. There is however this thing called “incentive for action”, mostly handed out to said minorities, said under or misrepresented groups. I believe that womankind has had enough of the Selwyn Duke types laughing at the glass ceiling and pointing at their alleged crippling idiosyncracies. Here comes another generaiton of women who fortunately enough have been given the opportunity to rise against this moronic insanity and summon the self-confidence to walk all over them and assert their own dignity. Selwyn Duke is afraid of women, of gays, and of ethnic minorities because they threaten his so-called God-given right to stay on top of the social pyramid as a privileged white man. Times are changing, Selwyn, and it’d be best to jump on the bandwagon before you get painfully ejected on the railroad tracks. Women like me, like us, are seldom called “the Big Satan” in some countries (that I won’t name here not to boggle Selwynesque minds). I’d rather be called a Great Power. I know what I’m capable of under pressure. Are you, Selwyn? Are you? Oh wait: you’re an Internet entrepreneur… I’m so glad we’ll never meet you in government halls.

(*) Quotation marks used in order to preserve the academic world from the insanity that is about to follow.